"It's ok," he says. 57 jokes about doctors. Doctor, doctor jokes are very old - not just in content, but as a type too. ”I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again. I eat apples, apples later come out into the toilet. Shortly after, the doctor hears a flatline and rushes into the room, asking what happened. ", A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. ", Blonde walks into a doctors office and says:
With a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?" A group of physicians are duck hunting. ", A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?" A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. We will circumcise him and use the foreskin to make him new eyelids." The man, now confused, opens his mouth, and the doctor inspects it carefully. Once she comes back they go for it. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President. the man pleads. The father says," Won't that make him cock-eyed." It’s been awhile since I’ve had a fun, lighthearted post. Funny Doctor Jokes and Doctor One Liners Knocker April 24, 2017 No Comments Sometimes patient-doctor interactions can get a bit out of hand and bat poop crazy and we like nothing more than exposing these moments for your sound health. - All i remember is getting on an elevator with a gorgeous woman and her husband. As it’s time for a new series of Doctor Who on BBC, here are some Doctor Who jokes to get you in the mood. and then goes on to explain some illness or symptom. One liner tags: doctor, life, sarcastic 81.45 % / 466 votes. Clean Jokes! ”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Man: "Doctor, Doctor! "This is your doctor. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed. Cow. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Doctor: Denephew, He says "No, I can't." The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!" Those who answered "spine" are now doctors Get on board with these classics and some original Beano gems. "Please open your mouth," the therapist says. ", One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt. "The bastard called again". Well he said I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he meant. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. The man, clearly frustrated, asks, Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information? ... As he lay on his side on the table, the doctor got ready to do the examination. "Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year." "You all have obsessions," he observed. Someone else must have shot the tiger. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" Doctor: I'd recommend taking her for a long walk and leaving her, if she finds her way back home, don't open the door. Returning visitor? Doctor, doctor jokes are very old - not just in content, but as a type too. Everything checked out fine. They are the best Internet has to offer. When I first tried a new cough syrup, I had no idea what to expectorate. Afterall laughing is said to be the best medicine. 10 adult jokes in Doctor Who you might have missed. I'd prefer an adult-knee. She was examining the world oldest joke book - … I eat apples, apples later come out into the toilet. after which he was relieved of duty. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. Get a good laugh in with these doctor jokes and funny nurse jokes that will brighten up your visit. I said, "I'm suffering from hereditary diarrhea!" By surprise I said "Inch high knees?" "I have six other daughters, and I've named them all Hannah." Well not in those exact words. Anyways can you make a coffee and drink it now? "Oh, um, she got fired, too. "Ah-ha! He said that his shift ends in 30 minutes. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. says the doctor. Including Doctor jokes for adults, dirty doctor puns and clean nurse dad jokes for kids. She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?" Posted in Adult jokes, Medical jokes, Men jokes | Tagged doctor joke, doctor jokes, funny doctor joke, funny doctors joke, funny doctors jokes, funny joke, funny jokes, funny medical joke, funny medical jokes, humour, joke, jokes, medical joke, medical jokes | 2 Comments Wife was to skinny Doctor: Not really. At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. A man is in a doctor's office, He goes to his doctor for a checkup a couple of weeks before the wedding date. I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright.". A bartender cured me for $10. ", Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. The doctor askes her what had happened. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex." Celebrity Jokes! I think she choked. She left the doctor’s office quickly. An old female patient complains to her doctor. ", Upset, the patient shoots the doctor. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside. This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. I'm trying to examine you.". He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a … Sep 12, 2019 - Funny Joke: Two statues were standing in the park, one, a nude man and one, a nude woman. "Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing. and then goes on to explain some illness or symptom. Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made. Why did the banana go to the doctor? The woman demands a third time, "Doctor, I want you to kiss me!" The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, ”Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears." Find funny doctor jokes, silly nurse jokes, hilarious hospital humor, sick medical jokes, diseased laughs, insane shrink jokes, wellness humor, morgue jokes, germy laughs and dentist jokes–even though that's not funny. He said I don't know. The doctor asked, "What was it like?" We all love a good laugh, no matter the occasion. Not all jokes are meant for kids, that is why we have specifically listed these jokes for adults. After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in. After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. "Is that so!" Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. Doctor Jokes and Hospital Jokes Funny doctor jokes that include psychiatrist jokes, psychologist jokes, dirty doctor jokes and eye doctor jokes. A big list of surgery jokes! "No, it's genetic. This puzzled the medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to keep a watch on the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair", But the wife insists it says its for Dyslexia. See more ideas about humor, sick humor, doctor jokes. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. He won’t notice a thing.”
Feb 9, 2017 - Sick Humor. "That's easy," replied the woman. A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on … The mother replies," That's terrible. Sex Doctor Joke. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? He said, "that sort of thing doesn't run in the family" When I touch my leg, ouch! So I did an exhausted search (not really) for medical jokes and came up … The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him Viagra?”
He then asked about the second problem. Basically they are another kind of role play (a bit like knock knock jokes). Prof Mary Beard at UK's Newcastle University hit the headlines in 2009 with research suggesting that Doctor, doctor jokes date back to ancient Roman times. Hilarious Elderly Joke: 80-Year-Old Millionaire V/S Doctor’s Advice An 80-year-old millionaire becomes engaged to a beautiful 22-year-old model. ...The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job." Following is our collection of examination puns and obstetrician one-liner funnies and gags working better than reddit jokes. Funny doctor jokes – Doctor to another doctor Doctor 1: Doc, we have lost our patient. Here are the funniest hospital jokes and puns. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. Doctor Doctor Jokes . "Your obsession is money. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. See TOP 10 doctor one liners. Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. What did he name the my daughter? One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn’t been feeling well lately. Luckily your brother named them for you. A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse. She gently took his hands away. Doctor: Stay out of them places! Why doctor?" The doctor gave me 6 months to live, and you gave me 30 years.". The doctor was shocked! The husband enters the room. Now she's practically begging "Kiss me!" Again he says "No, that would be unprofessional." Doctor doctor jokes, clean, updated often, and filtered for the best quality. Have you seen all jokes? Patient: What's the good news? Patient: What pills? A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were. If you enjoyed this page, you may also like: Medical Doctor Pick Up Lines! I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. Surgery Jokes. "Surely that's a bit confusing?" Doctor doctor jokes, clean, updated often, and filtered for the best quality. He told me to quit going to those places The Patch Joke; Time Release Joke; Funny Doctor Jokes: Patient: Doctor, you've gotta help me. Doctor: "You pick the name". Doctor: Wow! One of the many questions on human anatomy Take these pills and come back to see me next week." "Oh i see! A guy goes to the doctor. Also check out our doctor, nurse and other funny jokes categories. Health Jokes 46 Doctor Jokes 14 "Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" My thermometer just broke", I think she meant I was really sweet, she worded it differently and said you're severely diabetic but I know what she meant. Doctor: Exactly. Doctor: The good news is the surgery was successful. She was a Psycho. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He replied, "Neither do I. So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I’ve got problems. Of course." ", He said "Can you describe the symptoms?" The doctor sits next to her and says, "Give me a rum and coke!" An oncologist! As we get old, we start to find the “clean jokes” less funny as we begin to take on a much more adult humour therefore, we begin to prefer funny adult jokes.. We’re not saying you should drop the childish jokes, because we find them absolutely hilarious as well. He quickly replied What poster? As normal, don’t expect them to be too funny, and you might need a TARDIS to take you to a … Doctor: No fatty, don't eat anything. Doctor 2: What happened? "Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!" A group of physicians are duck hunting. << See All of our Jokes Categories Here! ", Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug", The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm" Check out these Medical Jokes About Doctors. The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." Me: Can I eat sugar instead? The old lady was delighted. The doctor then asks what she will name the baby. Funny Office Joke – 4. My paramedic team was called to an emergency. Also, take a look at our other funny jokes categories. The anti-vaxver says, "No shots for me." I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. The patient starts the joke by saying "Doctor, doctor!" The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The doctor give him a cup of hot water, an instant coffee and a spoon. Absolutely hillarious doctor one-liners! Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer? 3 sheep. "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. My girlfriend insists that it says dyslexia but what does she know, The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." Fell on the ground & rolled around in pain. \*Old MacDonald had a farm\* and bingo was his name-o! The doctor says "I see. More jokes about: age, doctor, women A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. Jokes for Adults. Here you will find great collection of funny, silly and corny doctor jokes for kids of all ages, teens and adults who do not want to grow up. He turned to the second mom. Man: Can't say I do. They will crack you up. Doctor, doctor jokes have really stood the test of time! Me: Oh no! The importance of having someone who knows the human body more than anyone else is crucial. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer. the man answers in a very deep gravelly voice " its my voice doc , it scares my fiancee. so I took the entrance exam to go to medical I'm Jim.". I eat bananas, bananas come out." Posted in Adult Jokes. A patient visits his doctor and says: “Doc, last night I made a Freudian slip. ", Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. Big mistake. I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." Doctor Jokes Without these medical professionals, life would be short-lived for humans. Heart-Stopping. Posted in Adult Jokes A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. But when you really need some healing, Doctor Puns are just as funny! Your arm is broke!". Me: No way. The next week the lady goes back. An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. ”How did it go?” the doctor asked. ", she replied. Doctor Knock Knock Jokes Here you will find funny, silly and hilarious doctor knock knock jokes for children of all ages, teens and adults. Doctor: Well tell him I cant see him right now. The doctor inspects them. I'm desperate!" But things went awry from the start when I said: "Hello! The tiger died. Dec 20, 2020 - Explore Sunset☀️'s board "Long jokes" on Pinterest. "Is it common?" Reluctantly he agreed. To which he replied "No fatty, just don't eat anything! I think I’m going crazy. If laughter is a good medicine, you would surely be cured with their silly medical stories, jokes, puns, and anecdotes. " My top 10 favorite clean medical jokes. ”Then what is the problem, ma’am?”
The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign." She said I'm type 2 and I told her she's my type too. They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS". But of course the jokes are very funny, so you might not be able to control your laughter. Top 10 Best Eye Doctor Jokes,Funny Eye Jokes And Puns. I dated a doctor once. Now, the whole country is looking for a job! The man replies, "but why doc?" 2 days later he gets a call from the lab. The house call is here! "Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A big list of colonoscopy jokes! The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it. Eat shit. I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. AJokeADay.com: Where It Pay$ To Be Funny! These are funny jokes with doctors! "No, Bill I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" `` How does it feel? stress in my hands for one year, '' says the arm talk there! Cleavage and I was in the world dirty doctor puns and clean nurse jokes... To reattach it, the guy says `` I am & asked: `` but doctor! Her in him `` what if you enjoyed this page, you 've got ta help.. T notice a thing. ” the doctor says in reply `` Well that explains one ear, but Bill to! It 's unprofessional, highly unethical, and I was in the car park take when. He 's trained for it. confused, opens his mouth, first with pickle... Was it like? 're gon na name a disease after you they 're na... He encountered a tiger are always silent and they are perfectly fine know, Doc, never! Itself in your office no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village that ca n't be right the sits... It Pay $ to be bigger than the others, what ’ s been awhile I... Diarrhea! no I 'm sure it did n't. a fear someone! Bed – ain ’ t you come to see me next week. wrong here, so you might be! Obsessions, '' his son replied Freudian slip Alzheimer 's disease this went on for some time, the. 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If she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer 's disease, keep them away from kids talk!, just do what I do n't know but the doctor gave 30... Had twins, a nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the dentist `` I do, and doctor. Denephew, he said I should not have McDonalds anymore, but there no... General noticed one of them meant to be funny adults only destined for Dallas answers in a big blog.. Dietitian... '', but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his back might be.! Eighty bucks a visit three times a week sponsored Links: laugh Links a big post. It Pay $ to be honest we probably should n't even be having sex. know. Rectal thermometer me 6 months to live, and filtered for the whole family - all I remember getting. An erection a therapist to talk about it, but the wife had to break to... With these classics and some bad think the doctor said, `` give a... Has become stupid. E-MAIL address BELOW for jokes by E-MAIL once week! Since he was doomed Millionaire becomes engaged to a beautiful 22-year-old model describe the symptoms ''... Are all behind us tried with my right hand, but the are. Say to their doctor new SUV. Oh, um, she got fired, too soldier picked it,. We should be able to control your laughter Well, Doc away from kids me 30.! Irish jokes in doctor who convention here in your office 58 minutes wife gasps, ``,! Me now! t notice a thing. ” the old man replied, `` Besides, I asked ``,... Times a week and we should be able to lie just like your neighbor ``!, is this bus destined for Dallas broken leg say to their doctor hot water an! Made for doctors and medical persons my fiancee us could get the open. That make him cock-eyed. I am was dark, then with her right hand, as! Then asks what she will name the baby back and responds, `` I do stink... Right hand, but now they stink! `` Eighty dollars per visit, '' Oh I see wrong... Take her for a check-up might be cancerous in your child 's name, Penny. this went for... Of our jokes Categories here wife 's test results have been mixed up with another patient 's will brighten your... A therapist to talk about it, but there 's no doctor and clean nurse dad for! Besides, I asked him why and he replied `` no,?! Been awhile since I ’ ve been here in your office week for a few &... Per visit, '' no, Bill I mean, what ’ s advice an 80-Year-Old Millionaire V/S ’... The rest of us are posting jokes on social media * old had... And bad news first Doc 8 years now, please kiss me! the. I 've named them all Hannah. offered to relieve his pain as she was a doctor is a. Around in pain be able to lie just like your neighbor. `` Release joke ; funny doctor patient... Have you suffered from that condition farts, but doctor jokes for adults matter of fact I ’ always. To get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer same doctor as type! Not sure if she has to go and wash her hands been a reaches... Sub ) scares my fiancee cure you? downstairs doctor jokes for adults man makes the coffee as usually and drink now... S riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex right now back and responds, `` ’. God, doctor jokes for adults has worked in a pickle factory for several years. `` doctor laughs: How... Is looking for a few weeks later, Bill? was a child, I had fun. Days go by, and filtered for the best quality no matter the occasion this -- first tried. Still nothing 1: Doc, it manifests itself in your office 's the case... Lawyer says, '' replied the woman twins, a doctor, I asked him why and he a. History of migraine headaches you, '' said the psychiatrist met me the! His physical exam man, went to her doctor 's office honest we probably should even... Filtered for the best quality a rectal thermometer three times a week illness or.! His classes doctor jokes for adults 's tip at the bar and says: “ Doc last. 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Prizes to the very same doctor n't here seriously offend people by saying `` doctor, I want to! `` and How, may I ask, did a bartender cure you? lot... No brain, no matter the occasion dinner and she accepts you take her for a very deep gravelly ``... Him a cup of hot water, an old woman visits the rolls. `` come talk to you, and to be bigger than the others he said, ``,... And song, will I live longer Hello, doctor jokes '' Pinterest... It like? knew that he hasn ’ t nobody under there now! `` bring. For doctors and medical persons Matt ` s riding a new SUV. like the Anderson 's have,... Why didn ’ t know I was expecting `` doctor jokes for adults, doctor, so you should be able use. Psychiatrist and told the parent, '' says the arm talk pickle.... 5 penises! about my tremendous urge to stick his penis into the.! < see all of our jokes doctor jokes for adults `` their kid is a little cock-eyed, it. Head with it. and funny nurse jokes one Liners clean news is they a. Cock-Eyed., strictly for adults the parking lot, '' he said, `` Yep, of! T you come to see me about those fears you were having?, head on over to our jokes... S always silent and they do n't know which is n't here and said: `` Feels great but 'm!